You have been denied.

Fail. Dumbass. You are not worthy. You have been denied.

I may need some fine motor skills re-training because I seem to be exceptionally good at dropping my birth control pills. Usually it is while I'm driving and fumbling around in my purse to find the pack, pop out the pill and take it all with just one hand. I'll drop it back into my purse somehow, and then I have to feel my way through all the crap in there to find that itty bitty little pill. Don't worry, though, I'm a safe driver as I do this. I taught myself to drive with one hand at 16. Somehow I felt that was a very important life skill.

Today was worse, though. Much worse. I actually remembered to take it before I left work. I pulled the pack out of purse and popped the pill out over my desk. It was like skipping stones over a calm lake. It skipped lightly over the shiny top of my desk and right down the small little crack between the 8000 lb desk and the wall. I just stared... in disbelief. It did not. It could not. How could it have? But oh yes, it did. I attempted to move the desk, but there was no way in hell I could even get it to budge. I considered recruiting a coworker, but decided that when I peeped down that crack and saw the filth, they would be sure that I had swapped my Pill with something I got off the street if I was still willing to take it. I made a few quick calculations in my head, and popped tomorrow's pill out. I'll have to figure a way to relabel so I remember when I've taken and when I haven't now, but I'm covered for today. I was never very good at math, but you seem to graduate a few levels in math skills once you have to start figuring out the pill and how to save your ass from getting pregs.

I called my husband once I actually got out of the building. I thought this seemed like a defining moment in my life to illustrate the bizarre clumsy capabilities that only I seem to have. He didn't see the humor. Whatever. I'm still marveling at the masterful grasp of uncoordination that I demonstrated today.